So, the ads on Star Movies (Movie of the
last Month! Twilight! (in sparkle font, of course) reminded me that I never did actually talk about these books, despite having inflicted them upon myself.
Let us begin.
The Twilight Saga
is essentially the love story of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen. Bella is the new girl in town, and she finds herself mysteriously drawn to her lab partner and classmate, Edward. But Edward isn’t all he seems.
My Thoughts, Let Me Show You Them
First off, I have issues with the books. Serious issues, but almost every point that I want to make re: writing style and the typos OMG the typos – free ‘reign’! dust ‘moats’!
COPY EDITOR WTF ARE YOU DOING?! is made more articulately – and amusingly! – here, so you guys are lucky and I shall desist.
And while I could have overlooked all that, the one thing that absolutely made me wild with rage was Bella. OMFG, Bella. D:
More bitching and character bashing under the cut below, because maybe some of you are Twilight-lovers and would like to skip.
Also, spoilers, but I think mostly everyone has seen/read the books or movies or has at least heard most of the ‘plot twists’. [/sarcasm]
So. While I could have borne all the shit about diamond embedded vampire skin and the bodice-ripper-Mills-and-Boons-meets-Anne-Rice style of the first novel, it was the second one that truly reminded me of Dorothy Parker’s line – ‘this is not a book to be tossed aside lightly; it should be hurled with great force.’
Seriously. The only reason that thrice damned thing is still in one piece is because: A) my very soul quakes at the idea of treating a book like that, and B) the set of books (saga, as the marketing machine calls it) was a present from my brother.
Coming to what annoyed me about Bella Swan – leaving aside all the other stuff such as her Mary Sue-ness, her self-absorption, and her plain unlikability, it was her reaction to Edward leaving her ‘for her own good’ in New Moon.
Okay, she’s seventeen (as far as I remember). She’s dumb. She’s supposed to be madly in love with Edward. But seriously, the way her entire life falls apart afterward made me want to hit something. Pages and pages of wangst over how her life is now OVER because Edward doesn’t love her anymore, what will she do, how will she survive, it’s all over, the only thing left is SUICIDE!
Or, rather, suicidal activities, because she ‘hears’ Edward’s disapproval whenever she does. *rolls eyes*
I know we were supposed to believe that their love was some grand, epic fated kind that was ‘written in the stars’, but seriously, they’re both seventeen! Don’t even try to tell me that Edward’s actually umpty-hundred years old. Mentally, he’s still a pimply faced teenager.
Bella is completely dependent on Edward for her happiness, to the exclusion of everything she’d ever been interested in during her pre-Edward life – her mother, her father (I always felt bad for poor Charlie), her friends, any goals she might have had – because surely she didn’t dream of one day becoming a vampire bride, she must have wanted to do something with her life – doctor, engineer, ballerina, for Christ’s sake, something?
Everything just goes out of the window post-Edward—her whole entire LIFE becomes subservient to his, which just. Argh. WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN. ARGHasasdkkl;jlk;
It just hits all the wrong buttons for me.
Neither of them has even seen much of life, and to have that kind of co-dependence – no, actually, it was more Bella who needed Edward to an extent that he was her reason to live – is just plain twisted. Not to mention unhealthy.
Compare this with Jacob, who was built up to be Bella’s friend, and they had a relationship that was actually more than just longing looks and mutual infatuation – and I was all excited because I thought: ‘Aha! All that bloody nonsense about Edward makes sense now! Bella’s going to mourn for him, but then eventually get her head on straight once she compares her relationship with Jacob to the one with Edward, and then Edward will be back, but this time he’ll be the anti-hero, because he’s still controlling and distant, but Bella now wants nothing to do with him!’
And another reason I shall always, always hold a grudge against S Meyers: when I first saw all those icons floating around LiveJournal (‘You’re my brand of cocaine, Bella.’) I thought the books would be good, purely because I really liked the names Edward and Bella. Especially Bella.
I don’t any more.
Oh yeah, I’m supposed to be reviewing the damned things, so yes, objectively speaking: the books are okay, if you like teen pseudo-gothic romance stuff, although they would have benefited greatly from being smooshed into one book. Seriously, all four books should have been made into one, that way there’d have been some semblance of pace and plot.
Why You Should Read Them
Eh, if you must, read them all in one sitting – that way you won’t have too long to rage about Books 2 and 3.
For the love of god, I couldn’t inflict more of the Cullen-Swan story on myself after getting through these books. Sorry, but you’ll have to go looking yourself.
[mood| Pissed off]
[music| Rotterdam: The Beautiful South – love this song! *nostalgia*]